It's a damn cold night...

Forgiving is love's toughest work, and love's biggest risk. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
いつか失ってしまうのかな。薄れてゆく笑顔と君を守りたい。
-- D-technolife

If fate is a wheel, then we are the sand that is crushed between the cogs.

Don't judge a life by one difficult season.

独自并不代表孤单,在一群人中狂笑着有时更寂寞。
-- 吴庆康

At times it may not even seem rational, but the heart has a computing ability that is far more accurate and far more precise than anything within the limits of rational thought.
-- Deepak Chopra
于是我让孤独更孤独,有一种不是悲伤的悲伤,才是刻骨铭心的悲伤。
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood as to understand; to be loved as to love.
-- St Francis.
People's actions are influenced by their expectations. People respond not just to what is happening now, but to what they anticipate will happen in the future.
-- Sloman
不管你会不会忘了我,我只想告诉你一个秘密。
--《不能说的·秘密》

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind.
-- Deepak Chopra

The furthest distance in the world is not between life and death but when I stand in front of you yet you don't know that I love you.
-- Tagore
Do do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings.
-- Matt 6:34

まだ不器用に笑うね まだ悲しみが似合うから
キミに降る痛みを 拭ってあげたい すべて I for you
-- I For You

the optimistic pessimist

supposedly an adult, she thinks like an adult (too much, if you ask me). deep inside, she is nothing but a little girl, with her little lofty dreams and ideals. and oops, she is breaking them, one by one.
more often than not, she is just an angsty emo kid.

she is only but
a passer-by,

an onlooker,
a walking shadow.

and this girl can't stop writing.

she stalks

|| cyn bea bao zou mel ||
|| joan weepz ||
|| blockc yeanching lehia kexi zhenlin horace alvin dina sandra becca tzehee ||
|| cruzteng peifen dasmondkoh ||
|| xiaozhu xiaogui sunxiezhi ashin kangyong ||
|| derrick jinglun stefsun natho lawrencewong ||
|| feliciachin joannepeh jeanetteaw sharonaw ||
|| xiaohan hyr chimkang mingde dannyyeo ||
|| xuyunling alvinology mrbrown esther ||
|| drbondar psychdigest ||
|| kfdrawing iwrotethisforyou thingsweforget ||

After all, what is in the past but what we choose to remember? They can choose not to hide it, to take what's broken, to feel the pain and know that it will heal. They know where happiness lies, not in a cave or a country, but in love and the freedom to give and take what has been there all along.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

she watches on

Others desire to experience the blessedness of giving, but we often frustrate them by refusing their help.


“你有心事吗?”
“或许有一天,我会告诉你吧。”
--《不能说的·秘密》

she holds on

 Memories were also a way of looking in a mirror, but it was a jagged mirror of broken glass, one that cast imperfect reflections. Like shards, these memories drew blood.

February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012 February 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 July 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 April 2017 May 2017 August 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 April 2018 June 2018 July 2018 September 2018 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 February 2019 April 2019 June 2019 August 2019 October 2019 December 2019 January 2020 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 May 2020 July 2020 November 2020 February 2021 April 2021 July 2021 September 2021 November 2021 March 2022

she never gets

永远不会交的功课 || 永远不会实现的愿望

|| you ||

Responsibility means not blaming anyone or anything for your situation, including yourself... Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.
-- Deepak Chopra

she thanks

Designer : Wei Jun
Brushes : Deviantart - Spy Glass

I don't know, I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I'm a pair of eyes and ears, and I'm just trying to stay safe and make sense of what's happening. I know what to avoid, what to worry about.I'm like those kids who live with gunfire going off around them. I don't want pain. I don't want to die. I don't want to see other people around me die. But I don't have anything left inside me to figure out where I fit in or what I want. If I want anything, it's to know what's possible to want.
-- The Bonesetter's Daughter

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Monday, September 29, 2008
withers away @ 5:59 pm

no i take that back. i can make out certain lines. u dun believe it's possible to emo over a song which u can only catch half the lyrics? nonono.

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 4:54 pm

OMG OMG I FOUND IT I FOUND IT!!!! siao liao siao liao SIAO LIAO.
as usual, cannot make out the lyrics. BUT NVM. YAHOOOOOOO~

It's something Mystical

withers away @ 4:14 am

omg wii is fun!! thx to terence's insistence on gloria playing with him and thx to gloria's jioing me. and u start to wonder why my yr 4.5 life sci senior has so much time in his hands to play heh. then u realize that hey he has a thesis yet unfinished. and gloria has a cnm test tml that she has barely studied for and a philo paper due tml worth 50% of the grades half done.
my arms are tired now due to compulsive shaking of the controller. exercise man.
oh. i think i prolly woke the entire level up. i screamed. not only once. oops. and it's 4am.

It's something Mystical

Sunday, September 28, 2008
withers away @ 11:21 pm

before anything, let me just say this. no cause for worry; it's random. i thought of them while bathing. yes bathing. dun ask me why. i dunno. XD EL WE SHOULD GET OUR EMBROIDERED HANKIES.
当忙碌不等于充实。当你找很多东西做,是为了填补生活中本来就看似没有的时间。当你不知道你为什么在做你在做的。当你因为压力而做。当你为了社会而做。当你为了所谓的生存而做。当你为了做而做。当你以为可以达成,却失望的。当你以为得到,却不快乐的。
当你已经不认得你自己。当你已经不晓得你在过的是什么。
当你的人生,已经不是你的生活。
这些都算什么?
会不会全部都是零?
在忙碌当中,人们都成了时间的奴隶。好笑的是,虽忙碌,但在等待。一边动态,一边静态。一边主动,一边被动。
忙于读书,忙于工作。
等待放下,等待死亡。



我可很认真地说,倘若我那东西再不来,我真的会变emo kid,然后忧郁致死。但是不能太快,否则星期四很头痛。所以结论?等多一个星期吧。(翻桌)
the following is random (again!). got them from the church bulletin. its funny. HA.


倘若说放一次手,就像咳一个嗽

It's something Mystical

Friday, September 26, 2008
withers away @ 10:25 pm

“现在这事儿只能和小玄子说,可不能跟我的主子万岁爷说,这该怎么办呢?”
“好,现在我是小玄子,不是皇帝,小桂子现在你可以说了吧。”
大家在同一时间都可能有多重角色,如果可以这样说一句话,就把不同的角色分开,那一切就简单多了。

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, September 24, 2008
withers away @ 1:04 am

游戏规则:
【1】回答所有问题,且回答完整
【2】回答完之后第需点五个人(没点过的) 跟你一同参予这个游戏

一定要点名
切记未遵守规定者,必定会
『段考科科不及格、感情不顺、作弊被抓、钱包不见、手机摔坏、走路摔倒、半路
被狗咬、失去最重要的东西-…』


点名单:
1.这是谁传给你的?
除了象小姐还有谁

2.怎么认识的?
中学同班同学

3.认识多久?
近8年

4.对他的印象?
麻烦的小鬼,只要有她在大家都会发疯,超享受。

5.说出他的一个优点和一个缺点!
优点 - 她有吗?(被揍)好啦,开朗,讲义气(江湖侠女?!)
缺点 - 都说是麻烦的小鬼了,时不时会让人担心。

6.对他说ㄧ句话吧!
去换辆大车驾大家出门吧!(random i know.)

7.你的大名?
请参考右边一栏

8.绰号?
kit, dudu, ps, dajie. 其实还有很多古灵惊怪的,不记得了。

9.性别?
F

10.生日?
请参考右边一栏

11.血型?
就是那个可以从所有人那里吸血的!

12.兴趣?
唱歌,看连续剧,和朋友混在一起,自己到处乱走

13.身高?
应该有168公分左右?

14.体重?
40+kg

15.喜欢的书?
thrillers (这怎么译啊?怎么突然间就忘了。),言情小说(被揍),self-help books,漫画算吗?

16.爱的数字?
9

17.想去的国家?
日本,欧洲,夏威夷,马尔代夫

18.现在最想学?
如何处事待人

19.最得意的事?
没啥好得意的

20.最失意的事?
以前做不好的现在全报应回来(晕)

21.上ㄧ次被教官抓是因为?
超少被抓,我很乖的^^ 哦对!去年回南中被莫名训话!想到还会气。谁稀罕从窗口看进去看你啊。

22.会让你脸红心跳的事?
被吓,被逗。

23.爱的形状是?
无形

24.恋爱的滋味是?
酸甜苦辣咸五味杂成。如果成功,剩下的应该是淡淡清香的微甜。

25.恋爱时最害怕的是?
不想分手却得分手

26.你认为你是个专情的人?


27.会在意外表吗?
不太在意

28.对於女生倒追有何看法?
不觉得怎样,只是自己不会这么做

29.最喜欢哪类型的男生?
说真的,没什么类型可言。喜欢上了就没辙。爱情就是那么简单。(被揍)

30.你是个爱吃醋的人?
还好

31.喜欢谈恋爱的Fu?
你们中国人整天fu来fu去的,我一直不知道是什么意思,今天碰到这题才google一下
…原来是“feel”=_=
如果象小姐没有写以上一段文字,我根本不会懂。
anyway, 喜欢啊。

32.是否有一见钟情的经验?


33.曾经为了情人做过最疯狂的事?
也没什么。疯狂的定义大家都不同吧。

34.单独和暗恋的人出去会紧张?


35.谈过最久的一次恋爱?
……

36.有没有跟人表白过?几次?成功几次呢?
没有,我是超级被动型。

37.现在最想要的东西?
智慧

38.如果看着最爱的人熟睡在自己面前,你会做些什么?
微笑,继续让他睡

39.最喜欢自己的那里?
应该是“哪里”
anyway, sensitivity

40.对101的看法?
台北101吗?没看法。

41.你觉得哪一个月份最适合当交往纪念日?原因?
随便。哪里有所谓的适合不适合。

42.圣诞节该在什么地方过才是经典?
经典?白雪皑皑的雪地里,圣诞树下?!

43.讨厌怎样的分手理由?
一脚踏两船却还把账赖在我头上。看到这种剧情都会让我气爆。

44.告白的成功机率最大的是什么方法?
如果那个人喜欢你,不管怎样机率都会在100%左右。
如果那个人不喜欢你,不管怎样机率都会在0%左右。

45.喜欢一个人时要怎么让他注意你?
没必要

47.你认为最有意义的一句话或一件事?
看情况而定。不同的情形和心境听同样的话或看同样的事都会有不同的感受。

48.讨厌女生的Type?
不晓

49.讨厌男生的Type?
不晓

50.最有效的减肥方式?
没试过

51.有幻想被异性压在墙上过吗?
没有

52.第一次看A片是几岁?
没看过。有好看的介绍吗?(被揍)我真的蛮想看的。(又被揍)

53.发现班上成绩最好的书呆子起生理反应,你会…?
还好!他还是人!

54.你认为是「先爱才有性」还是「先性才有爱」?
前者

55.你觉得杨丞琳、蔡依林、王心凌、林志玲,谁最正?
从不注意女生正不正

56.台湾职棒球队,最喜欢哪一队?谁?
啥米?!

57.NBA最喜欢哪一队?谁?
谁管

58.你觉得哪个男明星最帅最MAN?
突然脑子一片空白。

59.喜欢吃哪种蛋糕?
爱上 strawberry shortcake 了。

60.喜欢的茶类?
我好像没有不喜欢的。

61.睡觉是不是侧睡?
多数时候

62.喜欢的卡通人物?
无?想不到啦。

63.一个你很喜欢但他不喜欢你的人和ㄧ个很喜欢你但你对他没FU的人
前者。后者真的很烦。
拜托不要fu来fu去的--〉同感

64.希望另ㄧ半的身高?
随便

65.家人和情人一起掉入海中,你会……
一起跳。屁啦,跳前也总该乱喊要旁人帮忙什么的。等一下,首先应该会尖叫。

66.你觉得最适合约会的地方?
无所谓适合不适合。只要两个在一起,不管在哪里都会在自己的世界里,所以没差。

67.你比较喜欢柯赐海还是许纯美?
啥米?!

68.你常穿哪种鞋?
slip-ons

69.如果ㄧ定要选,你想当蜡笔小新还是花妈?
花妈是谁?

70.世足赛,哪一队会赢?
谁管

71.你觉得晴天好还是雨天?
阴天

72.你觉的女生穿裙子好看还是裤子?
这要看脚,高度,裙子种类,裤子种类。(被揍)
说真的,这个问题男人比较关心吧。

73.对明明有口臭又不承认的人说ㄧ句话
不说话好点。

74.你觉得恋爱最好像什么?
很老套,但是还蛮对的。
赌注。
赌多少随意,没人逼你,当做玩玩也行,赌上性命也可以。但是输的时候,甭想庄家手下留情。

75.写到这,对寄给你的人说ㄧ句话
这鬼东西也未免太长(翻桌)

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, September 23, 2008
withers away @ 9:56 pm

life's but a walking shadow,
a poor player,
that struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
and then is heard no more.

on a different note,
CAPRICORN!!! CAPRICORN!!!
*random, as u can probably tell*

It's something Mystical

Saturday, September 20, 2008
withers away @ 6:52 pm

他的唱功其实不很好,稍嫌生涩,但是,我偏心。他当时的一首歌征服了我。shoot me XD. 连我妈都觉得维健很可爱好吗。
逆时针忘记。张乐声的词。超喜欢其中的一行字。常常,只要有一句能够抓住我的注意,我就会开始仔细听,甚至去查歌词。

斑驳的屋顶 以天空的冷清
悲伤早已经 过境
泛黄的书信 手写的爱情
躲在抽屉里 安静

广场 时钟 把眼泪敲醒
你的 背影 一直那么近

以为时间可以 冲淡那些美丽
心痛怎么越来越清晰
以为过去可以 逆时针的忘记
思念却一直若无其事
顺时针前行

后悔在手心 写满我的名
却寄不到你 的心
是我太任性 捏碎你给的 珍惜
留给你无声 哭泣

闭上 眼睛 回忆像碎冰
那些 遗憾 重复的放映

以为时间可以 冲淡那些美丽
心痛怎么越来越清晰
以为过去可以 逆时针把你忘干净
思念却一直若无其事
顺时针前行

一个人其实不孤寂
想一个人才最孤寂
原来呼吸是为了提醒一直在的伤心
爱若能回转到分开的雨季
呜baby多想告诉你 我真的在乎你

就算时间可以 冲淡那些美丽
我宁愿它停留在原地
就算过去可以 逆时针把你忘干净
我还是选择把你的笑
挂在我心里

It's something Mystical

Friday, September 19, 2008
withers away @ 8:13 pm



不想读书,心血来潮去找到的MV。很有味道。本来就对这首词很有感觉,即便他没有写得多精彩。加上这支MV,我开始不由自主从心里微微颤抖。至少这支MV没有“崇拜”难懂,但是我也不能完全了解它的意思。不能完全理解,却还能让看的人听的人感动,好像被吸去那个时空,明明就看不太懂,但是就是会这样。那这支MV算成功了吧?
看得到,却摸不着。无意闯入,只是意外,对不起。毕竟,我们是两个不同世界的人。终究,是要分离的。最后,世界上的奇迹只是幻影。

It's something Mystical

Wednesday, September 17, 2008
withers away @ 9:58 pm

my juniors are so so so super damn sweet!! super effort leh. personalized somemore. love them <3

It's something Mystical

Saturday, September 13, 2008
withers away @ 2:37 am

sometimes, this guy's lyrics doesn't seem that impressive really, but somehow something will be able to strike a chord with me. (wah i could actually use this kind of english. sorry that was random.) its not coz he's one famous lyricist, though i have my expectations of his lyrics of coz. (i'm sure most people do.) somehow, somehow... as always. that's the scary part, and that's why he's successful in the industry.
who else but him? fang wen shan.
我们就到这
oh yes. this one is another worth mention. FINALLY. kyo's come up with a decent tune and proper lyrics. at least it means smth and not just having random noises/screamings. really not too bad. bao and i couldnt tell one guy from another in the pv, except kyo and shinya, but at least, it's smth enjoyable and not painful to listen to (as with the past few stuff). hopefully dir en grey will continue like that.

It's something Mystical

Monday, September 08, 2008
withers away @ 8:50 pm

又是起一身鸡皮疙瘩的感动。我太容易感动了吧。

It's something Mystical

Saturday, September 06, 2008
withers away @ 10:04 pm

这个女人讲话一向犀利,甚至有些口不择言,但不乏有道理的几句。
权怡凤:女人可以给男人踩在地上,可以原谅男人无数次,但是只要心一死,就完全没有回头的余地。

It's something Mystical

Friday, September 05, 2008
withers away @ 12:38 am

no matter who has what personality,
the way guys handle their relationships and their views on it are fundamentally the same.
the way girls handle their relationships and their views on it are fundamentally the same.
aiyerrrrr. idiot shit.

It's something Mystical

Thursday, September 04, 2008
withers away @ 7:50 pm

sndcc last wk. wouldnt say it was fun or anything, but its just a official time for camwhoring in all our formal wear. a get-together for everyone. with all the freshies, i turned freshie myself (there're still freshies who thought im a freshie HAHA) and camwhored with them. random pictures follow ahead. i cant post evthg up here. will die. evthg's up on fb though. hehe.

lvl 3 girls before going down.

my date jason and i. i was dateless last yr. HA.

cyn and i.

joey aka fishee and i.
jason and i after instigation from gloria. damn funny lah. i wanted to take a photo with shaun (seated on my right) and asked bei en to help us take. she thought i wanted to take another photo with jason. so after the shot with shaun, i was like ok lah ok lah i take with u ok!

korean min woo and i.

swiss chris and i. he can understand random chinese words while looking a chinese reading coz he learnt jap before! really cool when he was doing that beside me during electorial speech the other day.
my freshie short wing neighbours and i! bei en, yee voon and pig gloria. hahaha.

IDIOT samson and i.

last photo i took that day. zhen lin and i.

later on, the freshie guys went crazy and took gay photos in the lobby. ALOT. so here's a snapshot of it. chose one which doesnt show their faces fully to protect the purple ppl involved.

random: look look. compare both pictures. durian supper vs sndcc. alvin and i look like siblings meh?? its the white specs rite!!

random: I GOT HOLD OF HIS ALBUM!! yahooo~
random: and u think i got nthg to do that's why im blogging? u're wrong! being totally delusional yahooo~
random: im being utterly random now.

thoughts read unspoken
forever in doubt
pieces of memories fall to the ground
i know what i didnt have so
i wont let this go
cause its true
i am nothing without you
with me by sum 41

It's something Mystical

Tuesday, September 02, 2008
withers away @ 2:42 am

我发现,如果我有什么成绩可言,那不是因为我厉害(我真的不厉害),而是因为我做的决定常让我处于背水一战的状况。就是那种没有别的路可走,否则就是死路一条的情形。而动物的本能就是生存。大自然的规律。被猛兽追赶就会逃跑,即使落水还是会做垂死的挣扎。其实,要真的死掉,没有那么简单。那是人生可喜之处,也是可悲之处。
i really hate this tut. he said some ppl say its the most difficult tut they've ever done. I AGREE. its so crappy yet its so difficult. win liao loh.
最潇洒的落叶

It's something Mystical